A Personal Touch

Exeter does not, by nature, leave things unexamined, and like any aspect of a lively community, residential life has evolved. What are the factors shaping it today? "Running a healthy dorm takes consistency, fairness, openness and a sense of humor," says Dean of Faculty Barbara Eggers, former dorm head of Langdell. Some aspects of running a dorm are universal, but there are differences between boys' and girls' dorms, and between large dorms (which can house as many as 60 students) and small houses (where the numbers average around a dozen). "The pace of life in a big dorm is different from that in a small one," says Eggers, "with that many more people coming and going."

Moulton House: The gang's all here

Dan Morrissey has lived in all kinds of dorms. "In my experience, boys and girls require the same amount of work," he says. "With girls it's front-loaded-you work hard up front creating a good environment, and they take it from there. With boys, the work is more consistent." When Morrissey attends advisees' games and performances, he lets them know they've done a good job, either with a note in their box at the P.O., or a more casual remark in the dorm-whichever suits the recipient best. "If girls appreciate something you've done," he says, "they come in, sit down and say thank you, or they give you a card. Boys might high-five and grunt. But," he adds, "there's teaching in both: 'Hey, thanks for the card,' and 'Hey, don't grunt-say thank you.' "

One way that dorm faculty members teach is to learn about the students. "The most important thing I could do in the dorm was to be available, especially when I was not on duty," says Susan Keeble. "I might sit in the common room while the girls were having a meal, and occasionally in the dining hall I sit with girls from the dorm rather than at one of the faculty tables. At these times, I listen more than talk. You can learn so much if you are just willing to listen."

Another way to teach is to facilitate students' learning about each other. Melissa Mischke, who says she can take the pulse of the dorm in a moment, tries to strike a balance in Moulton House between making it a place of refuge and making an open place for socializing. In a small dorm, she points out, a student who doesn't gel with the group feels it more acutely than he or she might in a bigger dorm, so the stakes can seem higher in terms of making connections in the dorm.

Conversely, "In a big dorm, it is easier for a kid to fall through the cracks," says history instructor Lawrence Smith. While dorm head of Wentworth, a dorm of 60 boys, Smith and the other dorm faculty worked hard to counter that. Besides hosting adult "guest speakers" from different areas of campus, says Smith, "we would have talent shows-that's a loose use of the word-as well as ping pong and pool tournaments, and 'weenie night' [a hot-dog eating contest]. We tried to make sure everyone had something to offer the group." That way, he says, "the student who is having trouble fitting in socially, for example, has an opportunity to share a talent and be appreciated for something his dorm mates might not have known about."

Dorm faculty come up with all kinds of ways to interact with students-one favorite in several dorms being a dinner to which advisees invite a faculty or staff friend-and Exeter students clearly value these interactions. Says Abby Burns '04, "Besides raising families, teaching multiple classes, coaching sports and being on duty in the dorm, my dorm faculty contribute hours of their 'free time' to us. One teacher helped two of us sew my friend's prom skirt. Others proofread my papers, quizzed me for tests or just stopped by my room to talk. My dorm head even surprised us a few Sunday mornings with fresh bagels and cream cheese in the common room. The devotion of these teachers made my dorm a second home." Jonathan Barbee '04 says, "I always enjoy it when, by chance, I meet one of my dorm faculty on the paths and we're heading in the same direction. It just gives the teacher and me time to have a conversation that hasn't been prompted by a problem in the dorm, an out-of-town slip or even check-in."